I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
