Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I FOUND THE LEGS
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
