apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I feel like a drive thru vagina
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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