i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
do herpes really smell.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
