I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Randomize
