you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
