I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Randomize
