so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
