my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
