From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
