I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
