i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
