Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Randomize
