After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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