i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
