All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
i dont even know how to be here
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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