This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
