Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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