i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
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