absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
You can't motorboat a personality
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
