she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
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