Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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