I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
