I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
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