Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
