Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
