You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
