Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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