That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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