That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
