We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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