Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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