YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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