he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
