well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
