One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
