i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
