I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
