Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
