i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Randomize
