Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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