it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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