is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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