Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
