sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
