My liver just broke up with me...
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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