so explain again why im purple
no
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Randomize
