I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
