i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
