Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
It's never too late to be topless.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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