Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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